In Memoriam 1942 – 2013 “Roger Ebert loved movies.”

RogerEbert.com

Thumb bird box poster 6

Bird Box

I'm a sucker for King-inspired things, and this one hits that chord well enough to be worth a look over your Christmas break.

Thumb deadpool poster

Once Upon a Deadpool

Not just a heavily redacted version of the film that will be playing around the clock on basic cable in a couple of years.

Other Reviews
Review Archives
Thumb tvovw7qjj63zbqw5tz8cjpthaud

Schindler's List

This was published on June 24th, 2001, and we are republishing it in honor of the film's 25th anniversary rerelease."Schindler's List" is described as a…

Other Reviews
Great Movie Archives
Other Articles
Blog Archives

Reviews

Speed Zone

  |  

Read my lips.

Cars are not funny. Speeding cars are not funny. It is not funny when a car spins around and speeds in the other direction. It is not funny when a car flies through the air. It is not funny when a truck crashes into a car. It is not funny when cops chase speeding cars. It is not funny when cars crash through roadblocks.

None of those things are funny.

They have never been funny.

People are not amused by them. No, not even the people unlucky or unwise enough to have paid money to see a movie like "Speed Zone" - or a movie like "The Cannonball Run," of which "Speed Zone" is a pathetic clone. Audiences sit in dead silence.

Advertisement

Hollywood does not seem to understand this basic principle, which is why so many movies have featured chases, crashes and flying automobiles in recent years. Occasionally a chase will indeed be exciting - when it has something to do with the plot, as in "The French Connection" or "To Live And Die In L.A." But when a movie is all chases and crashes, then the intelligent viewer will realize that what he is seeing is a big payday for a lot of stunt drivers, and he will lose interest.

Nonstop chase-and-crash comedies have provided some of the worst movies of recent years (both "Cannonball Run" movies, the "Smokey" sequels, etc.), but even in that dismal company "Speed Zone" sets some kind of record. This is a movie that lasts 95 minutes and contains one (1) laugh. To save you the admission price, here is the joke: Dickie Smothers: "We've got to go to the Dulles airport." Tommy Smothers: "What are we going to Fresno for?" Dickie: "What makes you think we're going to Fresno?" Tommy: "Well, you said the dullest airport, didn't you?" None of the other jokes in "Speed Zone" measure up to that standard.

The movie is still another waste of John Candy, who makes a movie like "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" that showcases his genuine talent and then waltzes into a cynical, no-brainer ripoff like this with nothing more on his mind, apparently, than the rent check.

The movie features countless other celebrities in bit roles, but none of them make as lasting an impression as the Michelin trademark, which is displayed throughout the film in a blatant example of product promotion. Will Michelin sell more tires this way? I wonder.

Would you trust your life to tires made by anyone who thought association with this film would improve their product's image?

Popular Blog Posts

The Baffling Failure of Fallout 76

A review of Fallout 76.

Who do you read? Good Roger, or Bad Roger?

This message came to me from a reader named Peter Svensland. He and a fr...

The Ten Best Films of 2018

The staff choices for the best films of 2018.

Video games can never be art

Having once made the statement above, I have declined all opportunities to ...

Reveal Comments
comments powered by Disqus