We need more directors willing to take risks with films like Get Out.
Believe me, I know how to believe stuff when it happens in the movies. I believe bicycles can fly. I believe sharks can eat boats. I even believe pigs can talk. But I do not believe "Assassins," because this movie is filled with such preposterous impossibilities that Forrest Gump could have improved it with a quick rewrite.
The movie stars Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas as professional hit men. They haven't met when the movie opens, but they receive their orders on matching laptops (the kind where you just put one hand on the keyboard and rattle it in one place and words get perfectly typed).
Stallone is sent to kill a guy at a funeral and is startled when somebody else does the job. It is Banderas, hiding behind a nearby tombstone, and he's soon captured by the police - only to escape and get into a taxi that Stallone has stolen in order to pick him up and find out who he is. (Stallone's own brilliant plan for the hit was to conceal a weapon in a cast on his arm and mingle with the mourners. His getaway plan was not explained.) The men are soon shooting at one another, for reasons that are explained without the explanations explaining anything, if you get my drift.
Soon the two men find themselves once again working on the same case and competing for the same prize - a $2 million reward for a stolen computer disc. The disc is in the possession of a woman named Electra (Julianne Moore), a cat fancier and computer whiz who has set up an elaborate scheme for exchanging the disc with some Dutch bad guys. (She has a radio-controlled toy truck in a hotel air shaft...but never mind.) Once again, Stallone and Banderas leave bodies littered all over the hotel and then, as the reward is raised to $20 million, find themselves in Mexico for a final showdown.