Roger’s review of “Mr. Magoo”.
Why did I choose this piece of writing?
Asking a lifelong devotee of Roger Ebert’s written criticism
what his or her favorite review would be is sort of like asking Hitchcock to
name his favorite blonde or Michael Bay to identify his favorite explosion. It
simply cannot be done. I can, however, specify the one Ebert review that I actually
know by heart. It wasn’t a conscious effort on my part to commit his half-star
review of Stanley Tong’s miserable 1997 vehicle for Leslie Nielsen, “Mr. Magoo,”
to memory. It just happened naturally after spending countless hours devouring Ebert’s
indispensable compilation, “I Hated Hated Hated This Movie.” When a film would
fail to entertain or enlighten, Ebert would supply copious amounts of entertainment
and enlightenment in his cathartic analyses. The worse the film, the funnier
the critique. Looking at this hilariously scathing review again, I’m amazed by
just how many laughs he manages to squeeze into 444 words. Having been a fan of
the “Naked Gun” pictures (as was I), he likely entered the theater expecting to
at the very least crack a grin. Alas, it was not to be. “There is not a laugh
in it,” Ebert writes in astonishment, “Not one. I counted.” Anytime I’m asked
why I love Ebert’s writing, I quote any given passage of this review and find
that it earns appreciative guffaws every single time, especially when I recite
the final paragraph, when the cheerfully sardonic critic reveals the only thing
in “Mr. Magoo” that did indeed make him laugh. It’s a hoot.