In Memoriam 1942 – 2013 “Roger Ebert loved movies.”

RogerEbert.com

Thumb cold war poster

Cold War

An aching film on such exquisite pains of impossible love, Paweł Pawlikowski’s Cold War concurrently swells your heart and breaks it.

Thumb house jack

The House That Jack Built

Ultimately, it’s more of an inconsistent cry into the void than the conversation starter it could have been.

Other Reviews
Review Archives
Thumb tvovw7qjj63zbqw5tz8cjpthaud

Schindler's List

This was published on June 24th, 2001, and we are republishing it in honor of the film's 25th anniversary rerelease."Schindler's List" is described as a…

Other Reviews
Great Movie Archives
Other Articles
Blog Archives

Reviews

Thomas And The Magic Railroad

  |  

He is the character played by Peter Fonda, and he spends much of his time in a cave deep within Muffle Mountain with Lady, a tank engine he has been trying to repair for years, but without luck: "I've never been able to bring her to life,'' he complains. "To make her steam.'' Fonda is so depressed by this failure that he mopes through the entire role, stoop-shouldered, eyes downcast, step faltering, voice sad, as if he had taken the screenplay too literally ("Burnett is depressed because he cannot get Lady to run'') and did not realize that, hey, this is a kiddie movie.

Advertisement

Other actors are likewise adrift in the film. A few years ago, Alec Baldwin was delivering the electrifying monologue in  "Glengarry Glen Ross." Now he is Mr. Conductor, about 12 inches tall, materializing in a cloud of sparkle dust in a geranium basket. I do not blame him for taking a role in a children's movie, not even a role 12 inches high. I do question his judgment in getting into this one.

"Thomas and the Magic Railroad'' is an inept assembly of ill-matched plot points, meandering through a production that has attractive art direction (despite the immobile mouths). Many of the frames would make cheerful stills. Thomas and his fellow trains, even Evil Diesel, have kind of a jolly energy, and I like the landscapes and trees and hamlets.

But what a lugubrious plot. What endless trips back and forth between the Isle of Sodor and the full-sized town of Shining Time. What inexplicable characters, such as Billy Twofeathers (Russell Means), who appear and disappear senselessly. What a slow, wordy, earnest enterprise this is, when it should be quick and sprightly.

That "Thomas and the Magic Railroad'' made it into theaters at all is something of a mystery. This is a production with "straight to video'' written all over it. Kids who like the Thomas books might might kinda like it.

Especially younger kids. Real younger kids. Otherwise, no.

Perhaps the success of the Harry Potter books has inspired hope that Thomas, also a British children's icon, will do some business. Not a chance. In an age when even the cheapest Saturday morning cartoons find a way to make the lips move, what, oh, what, was the reasoning behind Thomas' painted-on grin? 

Popular Blog Posts

The Ten Best Films of 2018

The staff choices for the best films of 2018.

The Baffling Failure of Fallout 76

A review of Fallout 76.

Glenn Kenny's Top Ten Films of 2018

The ten best films of 2018, according to Glenn Kenny.

My problem with "Blue Velvet"

If you want to understand David Lynch, maybe the place to start is with his paintings. He paints in a style he descri...

Reveal Comments
comments powered by Disqus