From “The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant” — one of the best movies, and movie titles, ever. Say it five times.
Back when the New German Cinema was colonizing America, my friends and I liked to transform our favorite actor-names, especially those from Fassbinder movies, into exclamations. “Ulli Lommel!” we would exclaim. Or, “Gottfried John!” (with a W.C. Fields inflection). Or, “What the Harry Baer was that!?!” The moniker-musik of Fassbinder’s cinematographers alone still fill me with joy: Michael Ballhaus, Dietrich Lohmann, Xaver Schwarzenberger, Jürgen Jürges…
My dream was to hear the complete cast and credits of “Berlin Alexanderplatz” read by a National Public Radio on-air personality. Sure, every name sounds great when pronounced on NPR — and especially “Sylvia Poggioli” or “Corey Flintoff.” (I love how the second syllable of “Flintoff” falls off, like it’s going over a cliff. Say that last sentence out loud. It’s fun.) But what if you put the two together? It could be like peanut butter and chocolate.
What follows is a list of very, very good names for your enjoyment. They are best when you speak them with impeccable diction. And don’t forget the umlauts, where appropriate. While you’re doing that, can you also figure out which ones are from NPR and which are from Fassbinder? After scrambling the two lists of my favorites I’m not sure I can anymore. I will, however, say this: Rüdiger Vogler. (He’s a Wim Wenders actor, not a Fassbinder vet, but he’s a damn fine one with a damn fine name and I wanted to get him in here somewhere.)
UPDATE: You want to hear how it’s done? Our Man In Istanbul, Ali Arikan, reads some Fassbinderian names with poetic precision here.
Before the jump, here’s a few to get you started — but beware, there are three tricks!
1 Kai Ryssdal
2 Kurt Raab
3 Peer Raben
4 Mara Liasson
5 Ulla Jacobsson
6 Annabelle Gurwitch
7 Elisabeth Trissenaar
8 Ira Flatow
9 David Folkenflik
10 Volker Spengler
11 Werner Schroeter
12 Dieter Schidor
13 Joanne Silberner
14 Adam Hochberg
15 Jim Zarroli
16 David Bianculli
17 Y Sa Lo
18 Lourdes Garcia-Navarro
19 Vitus Zeplichal
20 Tom Gjelten
21 Steve Inskeep
22 Abe Beeson
23 Karlheinz Böhm
24 Hark Bohm
25 Karin Baal
26 Hannes Gromball
27 Charlayne Hunter-Gault
28 Ina Jaffe
29 Brigitte Mira
30 Lilo Pempeit
31 Daniel Zwerdling
32 BJ Liederman
33 Ketzel Levine
34 Karl-Heinz von Hassel
35 Carl Kassel
36 Gusti Kreissl
37 Pam Fessler
38 Frank Langfitt
39 Corey Flintoff
40 Günter Lamprecht
41 Ulli Lommel
42 Ofeibea Quist-Arcton
43 El Hedi ben Salem
44 Armin Mueller-Stahl 45 Armin Meier
46 Walter Sedlmayr
47 Farai Chideya
48 Barbara Sukowa
49 Renee Montagne
50 Peter Overby
51 Daniel Pinkwater
52 Harry Baer
53 Guy Raz
54 Rosel Zech
55 Karl Scheydt
56 Hannes Fuchs
57 Roger Fritz
58 Irm Hermann
59 Ingrid Craven
60 Nida Ulaby
61 Doualy Xaykaothao
62 John Ydstie
63 Ivan Desny
64 Mandalit del Barco
65 Kristine De Loup
66 Nina Totenberg
67 Margit Carstensen
68 Gottfried John
69 John Nelson
70 Don Gonyea
71 Doris Mattes
72 Matthias Fuchs
73 Bellamy Pailthorpe
74 Lakshmi Singh
75 Klaus Löwitsch
76 Andrei Codrescu
77 Snigdha Prakash
78 Sylvia Poggioli
Three people will think this is half as funny as I do. Here’s to you.
