In Memoriam 1942 – 2013 “Roger Ebert loved movies.”

RogerEbert.com

Thumb_transporter_refueled_ver3

The Transporter Refueled

The Transporter Refueled is an unnecessary bore from start to finish, one that even the most devoted Luc Besson fanatics will find difficult to defend.

Thumb_large_xbjzcdnnuxx7z1v5g68dtbpgfid

War Room

War Room preaches that we have no call to be righteous and judge others, yet the film itself is righteous and judgmental in the extreme.

Other Reviews
Review Archives
Thumb_xbepftvyieurxopaxyzgtgtkwgw

Ballad of Narayama

"The Ballad of Narayama" is a Japanese film of great beauty and elegant artifice, telling a story of startling cruelty. What a space it opens…

Thumb_jrluxpegcv11ostmz1fqha1bkxq

Monsieur Hire

Patrice Leconte's "Monsieur Hire" is a tragedy about loneliness and erotomania, told about two solitary people who have nothing else in common. It involves a…

Other Reviews
Great Movie Archives
Other Articles
Channel Archives

Reviews

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth

  |  

The folks who brought you "One Million Years B.C." have done it again, folks. They've cast another half-dozen bosomy starlets in animal skins and push-up bras and sent them bouncing along the beach after (or in flight from) cavemen, dinosaurs, tidal waves, snakes, lizards, giant forms of ocean life, virgin sacrifices and weird prehistoric rituals. Lizards, according to Freud, represent all sorts of subconscious erotic responses, so what are we to make of a dinosaur? A bosomy starlet? Tidal waves?

Not much, I guess. "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" is deservedly rated "G" and takes place way back in prehistory before Freud or even starlets. Even so, it's in the great male chauvinist tradition of dinosaur movies. Although giant lizards roam the earth, and neither Eve nor her apple has been thrown up by the tides of history, women are already being blamed for everything.

What happens one day, see, is that a fiery ball breaks away from the sun, giving birth to the moon. (I'm quoting from the press book, which has a way with words I wouldn't presume to improve on.) Awed, a primitive Rock Tribe blames the resulting upheaval of the earth's surface on fair-haired Sanna (Victoria Vetri) and condemns her to death. Escaping from the sacrificial ceremony, the maiden is blown into the sea by a cyclone, then rescued by Tara, a bronzed, rugged apprentice fisherman from....

But you get the idea. All the dialog is in Basic Caveman, and a dictionary is on display outside the theater if you want to translate. If a caveman comes up behind you tomorrow and shouts "Akhoba!" in your ear, for example, he means one of these things: Help, mercy, please, forgive me, greetings, or so be it. Be sure you know which.

The head starlet is played by one Victoria Vetri. A reader writes to inform me that Miss Vetri's former name was Angela Dorian, or something like that (I've lost the reader's letter) and that she was Playboy's playmate of the year in 1968. Why she has started over as Victoria Vetri is not as much of a mystery after you've seen the movie as it might seem right now.

Popular Blog Posts

Who do you read? Good Roger, or Bad Roger?

This message came to me from a reader named Peter Svensland. He and a fr...

Wes Craven 1939-2015

An obituary for Wes Craven.

The Unloved, Part 21: Anonymous

Scout Tafoya's Unloved series continues with Roland Emmerich's "Anonymous."

Reveal Comments
comments powered by Disqus