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The lovely Mses Griffin and Sweeney in “It’s Pat: The Movie” (which has a helluva opening shot!)

OK, I don’t usually get into the tabloid “news” (that much) — this is, after all, a site devoted to the in-depth appreciation of cinema in all its manifestations (while understanding the realities of the entertainment business) — but this is just too much: Three irresistible trash stories all hitting the wires in one day! Where is Kathy Griffin when I need her?

Tom and Nicole: Never Married!

BBC: In fact, Kidman didn’t need an annulment for one simple reason: in the eyes of the Catholic Church her 10-year union with Tom Cruise, a renowned Scientologist, never happened.

Rush Limbaugh Busted for Illicit Viagra Possession!

AP: Rush Limbaugh could see a deal with prosecutors in a long-running prescription fraud case collapse after authorities found a bottle of Viagra in his bag at Palm Beach International Airport. The prescription was not in his name. [Dare we ask whose it was? We always knew not enough blood was getting to his head.]

Barbara Walters Upstaged by Some Old RuPaul Impersonator!

AP: “I love Star and I was trying to do everything I possibly could — up until this morning when I was betrayed — to protect her,” Walters told The Associated Press.

Jim Emerson

Jim Emerson is the founding editor of RogerEbert.com and has written lots of things in lots of places over lots of years. Mostly involving movies.

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