In Memoriam 1942 – 2013 “Roger Ebert loved movies.”

RogerEbert.com

The Scheme

There may be no March Madness this year but there’s something truly insane related to college basketball this Tuesday.

Vivarium

Vivarium isn’t a fun watch, and not just because it’s generally claustrophobic and insistently bleak.

Other reviews
Review Archives

Ballad of Narayama

"The Ballad of Narayama" is a Japanese film of great beauty and elegant artifice, telling a story of startling cruelty. What a space it opens…

Other reviews
Great Movie Archives

Reviews

Million Dollar Mystery

  |  

I've gone to a lot of movies that I could have used a Glad bag for, but "Million Dollar Mystery" is the first one to admit it. This is sort of a movie and sort of a contest. In the movie, an assorted cast of the usual gang of idiots goes looking for millions of dollars. Then the audience is informed that an additional million bucks is hidden somewhere out there in America.

Where? A TV ad campaign has Tom Bosley informing viewers that they can find clues in specially marked boxes of Glad bags. As nearly as I could ascertain, it is not absolutely necessary to see this movie in order to find the million dollars. All the clues are in the Glad boxes. That is a good thing, because the search may easily last longer than the movie's run.

Advertisement

In the movie, a man staggers into a crummy roadside diner and dies, leaving behind the necessary clues to begin the chase. We meet the cast members, including a dippy married couple, a would-be singer and his sexy backup trio, some nerdy honeymooners, etc., and they race around America looking for the money.

Most of the clues have to do with bridges. This allows the producers to sneak in all sorts of commercial plugs. A million bucks, for example, is hidden inside London Bridge - the one that was transported brick-by-brick to Arizona. In case we miss the point, there is even a giant shot of a sign reading "London Bridge Resort."

Other commercial plugs are too numerous to mention. I have no idea where the money is hidden. The movie was produced by Dino De Laurentiis, and perhaps he has a check for a million dollars hidden in his bridgework.

If this movie is a hit, I've got an idea for the next one: De Laurentiis could offer viewers their choice of an interest-free loan for the ticket price, or an instant rebate.

Popular Blog Posts

Who do you read? Good Roger, or Bad Roger?

This message came to me from a reader named Peter Svensland. He and a fr...

Cloud Atlas in the Time of Coronavirus

While the pandemic will pass, our awareness of each other should not.

Stuart Gordon: 1947-2020

A tribute to the late director, Stuart Gordon.

How We Choose Our Favorite Film, and Why Mine is Joe Versus the Volcano

An essay on the art of choosing a favorite film.

Reveal Comments
comments powered by Disqus