Nitpicking over plausibility is, many would argue, no way to go about assessing an action/suspense thriller. Nevertheless, one of the crucial plot points of “Armor,” directed by Justin Routt from a script by Cory Todd Hughes and Adrian Speckert, is a real head-scratcher throughout. That is that the armored car drivers, played by Jason Patric and Josh Wiggins, are beset by a very nasty gang of would-be robbers led by Sylvester Stallone in what the movie’s promo materials will call (possibly more than once) a rare bad-guy role, are father and son.
A professional in the field of armored car stuff might well point out that having your heir as a partner in such a line of work is a bad idea, as it clouds up loyalties and such. Another professional might tell you that having a third guy in the back of the truck in addition to the driver and the person riding shotgun might be a good idea, albeit perhaps not good enough to satisfactorily ameliorate the aforementioned bad idea. Nevertheless, this premise is what the viewer is handed and subsequently stuck with.
Even at its relatively trim 89-minute runtime, “Armor” feels padded. Take the way that Stallone’s crew overtakes the armored car to begin with. To call the cash-car-pursued-by-black-van chase that sets up the standoff which will take up much of the movie’s final hour less than compelling is to risk severe understatement. There’s little fluidity or sense of speed here. Just a black box trying to bang into a gray box, and eventually banging into that gray box, and so on until the gray box is disabled. To watch is to yawn.
Stallone has recently been impressing observers of quality television with his sardonic, serio-comedic portrayal of a beleaguered mob man in the Taylor-Sheridan-created series “Tulsa King;” that’s a role he can sink his teeth into, so to speak, and he chooses too. He seems less motivated here. While precise enunciation has never been part of the performer’s tool kit, he’s practically mush-mouthed here. In his back and forth with Patric’s character, he instructs the guard to call him “Rook,” after the chess piece. Confident that he’ll get that truck open, “Rook” starts narrating his own story. “Tensions are running hot,” he announces at one point. Or maybe he says “high,” it’s hard to tell.
Why is this armored truck different from all other armored trucks? Semi-spoiler alert: because one of the boxes in it, a special box that is NOT ON THE MANIFEST (and yeah, Patric’s character is very unhappy with this) of packed with gold coins. Gold coins that have a design very similar to the cover of King Crimson’s Lark’s Tongues in Aspic etched into them. I presume this is a coincidence. This is, apparently, “cartel” gold, which raises the stakes for all involved. In the event that you care.
I did not. By the end, which was welcome indeed, I concluded that Patric deserves better, Stallone already has better, and that is all.
