In Memoriam 1942 – 2013 “Roger Ebert loved movies.”

RogerEbert.com

Thumb mv5bnda4ymmwmgity2mzos00odjilthmzdetyza5ngu4zjq5yjhixkeyxkfqcgdeqxvynjk5nda3otk . v1 sy1000 cr0 0 674 1000 al

Geostorm

God knows how many millions of dollars and hours of manpower went into making and remaking Geostorm but it turns out to have been all…

Thumb same kind of different as me

Same Kind of Different as Me

It can be hard to disagree with the heart and events of this true tale, except for when the movie reveals itself to be mighty…

Other Reviews
Review Archives
Thumb xbepftvyieurxopaxyzgtgtkwgw

Ballad of Narayama

"The Ballad of Narayama" is a Japanese film of great beauty and elegant artifice, telling a story of startling cruelty. What a space it opens…

Other Reviews
Great Movie Archives
Other Articles
Chaz's Journal Archives
Other Articles
Blog Archives
Primary eb20081020opinion810209997ar

Hillary and Bill: A one-act play

by Roger Ebert

TIME: Not too early on the morning of Wednesday, Nov. 5.

PLACE: The Obama bedroom in Chicago's Hyde Park. Barack and Michelle Obama are beginning to stir. Their daughters Malia and Sasha come bounding into the room.

Malia: Daddy! Daddy! Are you the president?

Obama: Not for a little while yet, honey.

He kisses his wife Michelle, leans on one elbow, and dials the telephone.

THE CLINTON BEDROOM in Chappaqua, New York. Hillary answers the telephone.

Barack: Hillary? it's Barack calling.

Advertisement

Hillary: Barack! Congratulations! It was a victory for you, and a victory for America.

Barack: Especially for America.

Hillary (slight pause): Yes.

Barack: Listen, Hillary, I wanted this to be my first call after I woke up. I want to ask you to play an important role in our nation's future.

Hillary: But I have an important role. I'm a United States Senator.

Barack: The job I have in mind might not be open for awhile. When a vacancy occurs, I'd like for you to be my first appointment to the Supreme Court.

Hillary (pause): I didn't see that one coming.

Barack: Just give it serious consideration. That's all I ask.

BREAKFAST ROOM of the Clinton home. Bill is at the table, drinking coffee and reading the New York Times. He is dressed in Jockey shorts and an Arkansas Razorbacks t-shirt. Hillary enters, in a Karen Neuburger dressing robe with an Oprah logo.

Bill: They have an op-ed piece going back to Rush Limbaugh saying Colin Powell only endorsed Barack because they were both black.

Hillary: When one man says another man did something only because of his race, one of the two of them must be a racist.

Bill (in his W. C. Fields accent): That's right, m'dear. (Looks up from paper): Who was that on the phone?

Hillary: That was Barack.

Bill: What’d he have to say?

Hillary: He wants to appoint me to the Supreme Court.

Bill (puts down cup, looks up): And?

Hillary: I told him I'd think about it.

Bill (pauses, then thoughtfully): Hillary, I'd do it. Three things. One, it gives you an important role in the country’s future. Two, it solidifies your place in history. Three, no more goddamned campaigning.

Hillary: But think about it. Clarence Thomas. How would I deal with him?

Bill: How would he deal with you?

Hillary: It really is a wonderful opportunity. I wonder how I'd get along with Scalia? He's a smart cookie.

Bill: He'll have to be an even smarter cookie when he's in the minority.

Advertisement

Popular Blog Posts

The Fall of Toxic Masculinity and the Rise of Feminine Consciousness

A special edition of Thumbnails detailing the recent sexual harassment cases in the entertainment and tech industries...

"Blade Runner" vs. "Blade Runner 2049"

A Great Movie is hidden somewhere within "Blade Runner" and "Blade Runner 2049."

Oscars Could Be Facing Dearth of Diversity Yet Again

A column on the lack of diversity in this year's potential Oscar nominees.

Tears of a Machine: The Humanity of Luv in "Blade Runner 2049"

No character in “Blade Runner 2049” is more relatably human than Luv.

Reveal Comments
comments powered by Disqus