In Memoriam 1942 – 2013 “Roger Ebert loved movies.”


Steve Jobs

The fact that he doesn’t try to redeem these flawed, fascinating figures—or even try to make you like them in the slightest way—feels like an…


Knock Knock

As a piece of social satire, Knock Knock winds up being not just toothless but anticlimactic.

Other Reviews
Review Archives

Ballad of Narayama

"The Ballad of Narayama" is a Japanese film of great beauty and elegant artifice, telling a story of startling cruelty. What a space it opens…


Monsieur Hire

Patrice Leconte's "Monsieur Hire" is a tragedy about loneliness and erotomania, told about two solitary people who have nothing else in common. It involves a…

Other Reviews
Great Movie Archives
Other Articles
Blog Archives

Hillary and Bill: A one-act play

by Roger Ebert

TIME: Not too early on the morning of Wednesday, Nov. 5.

PLACE: The Obama bedroom in Chicago's Hyde Park. Barack and Michelle Obama are beginning to stir. Their daughters Malia and Sasha come bounding into the room.

Malia: Daddy! Daddy! Are you the president?

Obama: Not for a little while yet, honey.

He kisses his wife Michelle, leans on one elbow, and dials the telephone.

THE CLINTON BEDROOM in Chappaqua, New York. Hillary answers the telephone.

Barack: Hillary? it's Barack calling.

Hillary: Barack! Congratulations! It was a victory for you, and a victory for America.

Barack: Especially for America.

Hillary (slight pause): Yes.

Barack: Listen, Hillary, I wanted this to be my first call after I woke up. I want to ask you to play an important role in our nation's future.

Hillary: But I have an important role. I'm a United States Senator.

Barack: The job I have in mind might not be open for awhile. When a vacancy occurs, I'd like for you to be my first appointment to the Supreme Court.

Hillary (pause): I didn't see that one coming.

Barack: Just give it serious consideration. That's all I ask.

BREAKFAST ROOM of the Clinton home. Bill is at the table, drinking coffee and reading the New York Times. He is dressed in Jockey shorts and an Arkansas Razorbacks t-shirt. Hillary enters, in a Karen Neuburger dressing robe with an Oprah logo.

Bill: They have an op-ed piece going back to Rush Limbaugh saying Colin Powell only endorsed Barack because they were both black.

Hillary: When one man says another man did something only because of his race, one of the two of them must be a racist.

Bill (in his W. C. Fields accent): That's right, m'dear. (Looks up from paper): Who was that on the phone?

Hillary: That was Barack.

Bill: What’d he have to say?

Hillary: He wants to appoint me to the Supreme Court.

Bill (puts down cup, looks up): And?

Hillary: I told him I'd think about it.

Bill (pauses, then thoughtfully): Hillary, I'd do it. Three things. One, it gives you an important role in the country’s future. Two, it solidifies your place in history. Three, no more goddamned campaigning.

Hillary: But think about it. Clarence Thomas. How would I deal with him?

Bill: How would he deal with you?

Hillary: It really is a wonderful opportunity. I wonder how I'd get along with Scalia? He's a smart cookie.

Bill: He'll have to be an even smarter cookie when he's in the minority.

Popular Blog Posts

Of Rats and Men: “Black Mass” vs. “The Departed”

A comparison of Frank Costello in The Departed and Whitey Bulger in Black Mass reveals weaknesses in the latter.

NYFF 2015: "No Home Movie," "Microbe & Gasoline"

A NYFF report on new films from Chantal Akerman and Michel Gondry.

Who do you read? Good Roger, or Bad Roger?

This message came to me from a reader named Peter Svensland. He and a fr...

The Unloved, Part 22: "My Soul to Take"

Our monthly series digs into the career of Wes Craven and comes out with his 3D 2010 film, "My Soul to Take".

Reveal Comments
comments powered by Disqus