This film could have been titled “There Will Be Beef.”
The people who made "The Opposite Sex" believe it's about a love affair between a stockbroker and an aide to the mayor of Boston. I believe it's about the fact that two of the most idiotic people in recent movie history were able to find any employment at all.
This is the kind of movie where nothing that is done, said, thought or performed bears any relationship to anyone you have ever met. No one, not even the people who made this movie, believes people can be this dumb and still tie their shoes. Making "The Opposite Sex" is what can happen to you if you grow up thinking sitcoms are funny.
We could begin with the ungrammatical full title of the movie, which is: "The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them." Mrs. Seward, who drummed rhetoric into us at Urbana High School, would have cracked director Matthew Meshekoff over the knuckles for that one. She would have gone on to describe his script as "trite," which was one of her favorite words, but which I have never used in a review, until now.
The movie stars Ayre Gross as David, a stockbroker who hangs out with his best buddy, Eli (Kevin Pollak). They're regulars in the kind of lower-level singles bar that has a periscope sticking up out of the sidewalk so they can see the babes coming. Yes. They believe their days of happy bachelorhood can last forever, and they explain their theories in "comic" monologues which they deliver while looking straight at the camera, while I found myself looking at my watch. You know a movie is slow when you start looking to see what time it is.