The multiple twists, double-crosses and leaps in logic are more likely to prompt giggles than gasps, despite the impressive production values and the earnest efforts…
Live-tweeted from Los Angeles:
10:06 -- The Oscar acceptance speech the Academy refused to televise: http://j.mp/bwA1yo
9:55 -- Shortest Oscar story in history: ( ! > $ )
9:52 -- http://twitpic.com/17b5ry - I would like to thank the Academy for getting me 6,575 new followers on twitter. And my drama coach, of course
9:46 -- The Dude Aboded.
9:22 -- I dunno. It felt like the Oscar road company.
9:15 -- I predicted 15 of 17. Not good enough. The "Outguess Ebert" contest will have many perfect entries.
9:01 -- Guys half drunk, watching at home: "That Kathryn Bigelow is a fine woman."
8:59 -- "Well, the time has come," said Barbra Steisand, before naming BIgelow. We'll see that moment replayed for years.
8:50 -- And now the voters are thinking: But it would have been something if Gabby had won.
8:56 -- Am I thinking Gabby wins, or only hoping?
8:46 -- Oprah praising Gabby at the Oscars. Does that outdo the wildest fantasies of Precious, or what?
8:28 -- The Best Actor female co-stars are either speaking extemporaneously, or are good actresses.
8:19 -- Almodovar intros a category in which his "Broken Embraces" absolutely should have been nominated.
8:18 -- Tarantino and Almodovar are played on with the Nino Rota's theme from "Fellini Amarcord."
8:16 -- Four for THL, three for "Avatar," two for "Precious." And now it's "Hurt Locker" the rest of the way.
8:10 -- When a film wins Best Editing, it usually wins Best Picture.
7:47 -- No Farrah Fawcett in the memorial tribute? Major fail.
7:45 -- WTF? Cinematography for "Avatar" and all that CGI and green screen? Not for Basterds or White Ribbon?
7:36 -- I guess the 10 BP nominees have shorted us five Best Song performances?
7:34 -- I don't remember when i've seen a less exciting Oscarcast.
7:22 -- Homage to horror films? Shameless pandering to fanboys & girls. The scores sound so cloned.
7:21 -- View the wining live action short: "The New Tenants." http://j.mp/cbnmo4
7:15 -- Tease: "Coming up! Twilight!" How stupid do they think we are? So only "Twilight" fans are watching? Hook those kids!
7:01 -- Mo'Nique I really, really care about.
6:54 -- Precious wins for screenplay. So now, yes, it is quite possible "Precious" will win some big ones in addition to Mo'Nique.
6:51 -- Neat the way the adapted books morph into their screenplays.
6:48 -- The big question: Martin and Baldwin: What happened?
6:44 -- A doc about the best short documentary, "Music by Prudence." http://j.mp/duHgaz
6:37 -- View "Logorama," which just won best animated short, here: http://j.mp/b8gVDh
6:32 -- John Hughes was never Oscar-nominated. Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone?
6:23 -- What a great Oscar moment! The children of John Hughes.
6:20 -- John Hughes died so young. And stopped directing too early.
6:15 -- Tina Fey presenting as Sarah Palin. How cool would that be?
6:13 -- A guy named T-Bone wins an Oscar, you wanna hear him talk. He and Ryan Bingham should have figured that out.
6:05 -- Doesn't T-Bone want you to know more about him? Let him SAY SOMETHING!
6:03 -- "Up" also wins Best Picture? Not a chance. It got all its votes in the animation category.
5:57 -- Jim Emerson's lip-reading sez Tucci said "Awful" after watching himself in the clip.
5:54 -- Sandra Bullock's foster son in "The Blind Side" shops at Big & Tall--my tailor. I wish their shopping bags had smaller type.
5:51 -- Christoph Waltz:" "Uber-bingo!" Yes! Fulfilling countless predictions on twitter.
5:48 -- Lip-reading Stanley Tucci: "No hope."
5:46 -- I guess the best opening in Oscarcast history is still ahead for us.
5:42 -- Just give this dialogue to ONE emcee, and it would work.
5:37 -- Opening lines would be better as a monologue, not back-and-forth.
5:32 -- Shout-outs to stars in audience aren't properly lighted. Neil Patrick Harris waving to shadows.
5:30 -- There is definitely an audience for the next movie starring Gabby. My notion: Make it a comedy. She brims with good humor.
5:28 -- Who but QT could open a mass-appeal movie with so much dialog? Who but Waltz could have sold it so well?
5:20 -- Well, Bill Mechanic promises it will be the best Oscarcast opening in history...
5:10 -- Christoph Waltz actually belongs in the Best Actor category, can we agree?
5:08 -- Always a letdown at 5 p.m. when they replace the red carpet pros with ABC's clueless "first team."
5:00 -- My prediction of the evening's best speech: Mo'Nique. Unless Gabby wins. Then hold onto your chair.
Christoph Waltz must feel great. Now we know how good he is. He always knew. The birth of a star.
I'm admiring George Penacchio's KABC red carpet work. He's a nice guy. Nobody realizes how hard is is to keep your head in that madhouse.
Gabby picked a great dress. But what do I know? She was so happy. Comfortable within her ownself.
Clooney appears on the red carpet, but we know how he sneaked around backstage. All by himself, no cops or flacks. Knows his way around.
Don't know why Clooney was walking behind the press stand, but he was friendly to fans behind the chain link. They NEVER see anything. They pose the actresses in their gowns, ask them to pose, and let the camera lick them from toe to head.
Sandra Bullock so, so richly deserved her Razzie for this film: http://j.mp/abt9Uc "Blind Side's" great line: "Who ever thought we would have a black son before we knew a Democrat?" Online voters pick Avatar over Locker 45 to 17. Great show for Locker since how many saw it? Online polls=bullshit. Jeremy Renner's mom: "He'll always be my baby boy!" Aw, mom... Well, @joanrivers, you outlasted me on the Red Carpet. You go, girl!
I dunno. If I'm wrong about anything, it may be because Gabby pulls off an upset. I still think Sandra Bullock. "Zoe Saldana certainly looks different than in Avatar!" ABC's Randolph Duke: "That's a lot of dress to wear!"
Most years, I have a sinking feeling that one of my predictions is wrong. Not this year. Therefore, there will be upsets. 3:25 -- ABC's fashion commenter analyzing Mariah's hemline, pleats and pin. What about her BOOBS? Russ Meyer would be ecstatic.
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